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Trout Bums at Large is a monthly column appearing in the Yakima Herald-Republic and the Seattle Times. The column is written by Randal Sumner and Mark Littleton. We will be keeping an archive of these articles on this page.

The wolves will always eat the sheep
by R.Sumner

The wolves will always eat the sheepÖ..Russian proverb


            This column has never been much about fishing. As those of you that have been paying attention the last fifteen years understand. What could be written about fly fishing that hasnít been dealt with hundreds of times before?  My editor however (Scott Sandsberry) always likes me to at least include the phrase Fly Fishing. Houston we have lift off.

 So what is it about the wolves?

            Ok, letís move on from the wolves and look at the sheep a bit. Now the sheep are just Öpathetic.Ē Letís just stand around with the flock and wait for the wolves to have there way.Ē

            So where does this leave us?

            The VW bus.

             My ultimate symbol of sheepism; the top tier of my personal list of the most aggravating things Iíve owned. I was twenty six when I bought the bus, it was the 70ís, I had long hair and was in graduate school, I mean dude. I should have known something was a miss at the used car lot when after I wrote the check; the salesman assigned me my own mechanic. His name was Fritz; (Ya, you will adjust the vales on time.)

            There were so many bad things about the Bus it is difficult to know where to begin. It was hopelessly underpowered, it had an exhaust leak in the back seat, it was orange. I bought an orange bus. Many times as sat inside my broken down orange bus in the Oregon rain waiting for Fritzie I could hardly believe my stupidity. Now that is aggravation on the road to despair.  The worst part of this German nightmare was that I realized only a sheep would have bought this thing. All I needed was a fuzzy fur coat.

            That was one of the last of sheepy things I ever owned, it is expensive being a sheep.

            So this brings us to the subject of eggs. (What you donít see the natural transition?) I love eggs, all the ways to have them. I love the elegant container that is an egg, that perfect thin shell in white or brown. The stunning cadmium yellow of the yoke contrasted against the white in a black frying pan. Just so agreeable in the morning.

             Now, in my lifetime eggs have had a variety of scientific opinions as to there healthfulness. First it was OK to eat eggs, then you could eat only the egg whites (remember that). Then it was OK to have one yoke a week. Now you can eat two eggs a day, that cholesterol thing was misunderstood. Think of your brain as a rag floating in a pool of cholesterol, pinging with synaptic happiness, that cholesterol providing life giving lubrication.

              Thatís fifty years of scientific expertise for you.

            So here is my question: What are the chances that Science has got Climate Change/ Global Warming / Global Cooling / Global Anything right?  The odds are microscopic.

             Visualize holding an egg in your open hand; now put the Earth in the other hand. Only a sheep, lacking any critical thinking capacity could accept this science, if you canít get the Egg right but youíre making predations about the universe? I mean dude, buy a bus.

            My last comment about sheepism is the use of the cell phone. Are you so shallow that you must be in constant contact with the other shallow losers you know? Must you

know what your friends, or even your kids, are up to at all times?  Trust me there in the flock with the other sheep.

            There is one caveat in this: If youíre using the cell for business or because youíve got a flat tire or some other emergency road trouble. Me, Iím hoping to be rescued by beautiful fly-fishing women with fried chicken and martiniís. Itís a long shot but, what is living without a robust fantasy life?

            Buck up, get off the phone and leave the flock behind. Conjure up your inner wolf. It is a beautiful thing.


More Trout Bum Articles:
11/17/2014: Red Fish Redux by R.Sumner
08/01/2014: Retirement by R.Sumner
07/02/2013: Custom by Randal Sumner
05/01/2013: Subaru Magic by Randal Sumner
01/19/2012: Ding Ho by RandalSumner
04/06/2011: A Cautionary Tale by Randal Sumner
01/26/2010: Redfish Round-up by Randal Sumner
11/24/2009: Kentucky Don and English Bob by Randal Sumner
08/25/2009: A word about Bears by R.Sumner
06/30/2009: Polar bear hugging by Randal Sumner
01/27/2009: Christmas letters by Randal Sumner
11/25/2008: Trip to Eden by Randal Sumner
08/07/2008: Mime Time by R. Sumner
06/02/2008: fuel vs fishing by R. Sumner
05/01/2008: Long sleeve Hawiian shirt by R.Sumner
02/07/2008: The Empire by R. Sumner
11/29/2007: Troutbum self-help by R. Sumner
09/04/2007: The Perfect Client by Randal Sumner
07/02/2007: High Anxiety by R.Sumner
03/29/2007: Grasshopper by Randal Sumner
01/25/2007: Chinese food by R. Sumner
11/30/2006: Old Whitey by R.Sumner
09/28/2006: Chief Holland USN retired by R. Sumner
07/10/2006: BBQ by R.Sumner
05/30/2006: Cashmere by R. sumner
03/30/2006: Sterling Choices by Randal Sumner
01/26/2006: Tying with Pablo by Randal Sumner
12/01/2005: Brrr by Mark Littleton
11/24/2005: Thanksgiving 2005 by randal Sumner
09/01/2005: Anchors Away by Mark Littleton
07/01/2005: Some kinda fun by Randal Sumner
05/01/2005: The Base Lake by Randal Sumner
04/01/2005: Humble Pie by Mark Littleton
03/01/2005: Dance monkey dance by randal Sumner
01/01/2005: Where are the Instructions? by Randal Sumner
12/01/2004: Das Boat by Mark Littleton
11/01/2004: What me Worry? by Mark Littlton
10/01/2004: Priorities by Mark Littlton
09/01/2004: Falling In by Mark Littleton
08/01/2004: Ice Fishing by Randal Sumner
07/01/2004: Honey, I flooded the basement by Randal Sumner
07/01/2004: Elvis Lives by Randal Sumner
06/01/2004: Coyote by Randal Sumner
05/01/2004: Redfish and Capt. Dan by Mark Littleton
04/01/2004: Vested Interest by Randal Sumner
03/01/2004: Are you a Troutbum? by Mark Littleton
12/01/2003: Christmas presents by Mark Littleton
11/01/2003: Oklahoma by Randal Sumner
10/01/2003: Steel heading JuJu by Randal Sumner
09/01/2003: Motor Home by Randal Sumner
08/01/2003: Life is Funny by Mark Littlton
07/01/2003: Deschutes by Mark Littleton
06/01/2003: Class of 2002 by Randal Sumner
05/01/2003: BOAT FISHING by Mark Littlton
04/01/2003: ALASKA, LAND OF THE MIDNIGHTBLUE TARP by Randal Sumner
03/01/2003: MARCH BROWNS by Mark Littleton
02/01/2003: DEEP IN THE HEART OF IDAHO by Randal Sumner
01/01/2003: TOP TEN by Mark Littleton
12/01/2002: SAN MIGUEL by Randal Sumner
11/01/2002: DISNEYLAND by Randal Sumner
10/01/2002: CAMPING by Mark Littleton
09/01/2002: MMMM MAYFLIES by Mark Littleton
08/01/2002: CARNEGIE HALL by Randal Sumner
07/01/2002: CRAWFISH PIE by Randal Sumner
06/01/2002: Sons and Pals by Mark Littleton
03/01/2002: Visitation by Randal Sumner
02/01/2002: Ouch by Mark Littleton
01/01/2002: Death by Randal Sumner
11/01/2001: Leakers by Randal Sumner
09/01/2001: Poser by Randal Sumner
08/01/2001: Snake River Diary by Mark Littleton
08/01/2001: It's Hard by Mark Littleton
07/01/2001: Etiqutte by Randal Sumner
06/01/2001: June by Mark Littleton
05/01/2001: Road Trip to Paradise by Randal Sumner
04/01/2001: What Are They Doing Up There? by Mark Littleton
03/01/2001: Gear by Randal Sumner
02/01/2001: Soft Hackles by Mark Littleton
01/25/2001: Motivation by Randal Sumner
12/28/2000: Winter Fishing by Mark Littleton
11/30/2000: Old Blackie by Randal Sumner