by Mark Littleton
We’ve all seen those tests in women’s magazines. They
are usually called something like “How strong is your relationship”.
Here is one for you flyfishermen:
1. Do your waders sometimes not dry out for more than a month.
2. Does your vehicle often smell like something died in it from
the mildewy waders and stinky net?
3. Does your truck/car have a stash of flies embedded in the headliner,
upholstery or dash.
4. Do you always have a rod and a laundry basket containing your
waders, boots and other fishing gear in your rig?
5. Is the floor of your vehicle usually covered with gravel and
dirt from when you drove between fishing spots with your waders
6. Have you ever called in sick to go fishing?
7. Do you base your vacation plans on whether there is a good river
8. Have you ever been late for a social engagement because a good
hatch was coming off?
9. Do you avoid making time commitments in the future for fear that
a good hatch will be coming off at that time?
10. Do you have a fly tying table or desk permanently set up at
your house and is it covered with scraps of feathers, fur and pieces
11. Does your garage look like a used sporting goods store?
12. Do you fish more than 100 days a year?
Scoring: Give yourself 5 points for every yes answer, 0 points for
every no answer.
45-60 points – Yes, you are a troutbum –and a miserable
excuse for a human being. This should come as no surprise to you
since you have been hearing this from every responsible person you
know for some time now. There is no hope for rehabilitation; there
are no 12 step programs for troutbums. It is the sad truth that
your highest aspiration is to be a great fisherman.
30-40 points – There is some small hope for you, but you
are probably doomed to follow the dark path you have chosen all
the way to the bottom. Your career and relationships have probably
already suffered from the neglect necessary to support this lifestyle.
20-25 points – You have troutbum tendencies. You may dream
of one day becoming a troutbum, but you just aren’t quite
worthless enough to make it over the hump.
less than 20 points- Congratulations, you are not a troutbum. You
are probably a respected member of the community. You may enjoy
fishing but your sense of responsibility prevents you from neglecting
your obligations. While you take pride in doing the right thing,
in the back of your mind you know that at the end of their life,
no one ever said that they wished they had worked more and fished