Trout Bums at Large is a monthly column appearing in the Yakima Herald-Republic and the Seattle Times. The column is written by Randal Sumner and Mark Littleton. We will be keeping an archive of these articles on this page.
Troutbum self-help by R. Sumner 11/29/2007
Yesterday, Sunday November 18th, if you must know, the weather was miserable, cold and raining with a high of 38 degrees.
I did nothing.
I sat in the basement watching TV all day, football mostly with some weird women's shows thrown in at half time. Let me tell you there is no" real" in" The Real Housewives of Orange County", and we'll let it go at that.
My Troutbum buddy Chris called about and asked me to go fishing; I declined as a delicious nap was looming in my immediate future. Returning to my Chair (nap sled 2007) I started clicking through the channels looking for the perfect white noise for napping, football is too abrasive; no you want just the right voice pitch. Remember Bob Ross the artist that painted pictures on TV years ago? Remember he kind of whispered stuff like "Now let's paint in a happy little tree next to our cottage with the happy smoke coming out the chimney". Now that guy was like knock out drops, by the time he had swabbed on a couple happy clouds you were out.
Anyway, I clicked over to PBS because they always have some insightful slow talking person droning on about some subject I have not the slightest interest in; perfect white noise. This particular afternoon it was Dr. Wayne Dyer with three hours of self-help tips. Dr.Wayne is a pretty brave guy; He was wearing a black kung fu outfit with no shoes and boiling over with advice. As I drifted of into a meditative state, I began to wonder about the whole self help concept, I mean if you're helping yourself why do you need advice from Kwai Chang Caine?
On my fishing web site I have a rates page listing the prices for various fly fishing adventures, $300 for this $375 for that, and at the bottom of the list in bold type it says LIFE COACH$500 per hour. So it's not like I don't have any experience dealing with people's issues. I'm exactly like a sensitive guy for…. $500 an hour.
The truth is no one has actually paid for this service yet. That may be because I wear waders and boots on the job and fly fishermen are not generally whiney, self- obsessed losers. Of course if I did get one I could probably straighten him out for, say $1500. Maybe a little more.
I think the reason most of the anglers I know are squared away is they realize they are at the top of life's little pyramid. The simple act of taking time for a purely esoteric activity that no non-angler will ever understand means you have made some conscious decisions about how you want your life to turn out.
So here are my five easy Troutbum self-help tips;
1.Surround yourself with people that make you laugh.
2.Never marry anyone with more problems than you have.
3.Eat your vegetables, get plenty of sleep, and take a walk everyday.
4.Don't bore people with your past unless it's a funny story….really funny.
5.Get out of the house and go fishing, Grasshopper Often.